Persistence Pays Off- The importance of meeting individuals where they are in recovery

In December 2022, I had the opportunity to connect with an incredible individual on their recovery journey. Let's refer to her as Jane. Jane, a 70-year-old woman, lives with Major Depressive Disorder and is battling a Substance Use Disorder. Despite facing countless challenges, Jane's resilience and determination have taught me valuable lessons about the power of persistence and the importance of meeting individuals where they are in their recovery.

During our first phone call, it was evident that Jane was struggling. She sounded intoxicated, and it became clear that alcohol was a significant factor in her life. Initially, she hesitated to let me into her apartment, feeling embarrassed by the clutter and mess. However, after some discussion, her desperation grew, and she finally exclaimed, "I need help!" and invited me over.

"I may be 70 years old but I look like I'm 30," Jane proudly claimed.  She always has a great sense of humor, even when her life isn’t going well.  It’s something I admire about her and it brings some levity to a situation that can be incredibly challenging.

On the day of our meeting, I arrived at her apartment complex and called her from the parking area. There was no answer. As I made my way up to her third-floor apartment, I knocked on the door. After a while, Jane opened it, appearing extremely intoxicated, still in her nightgown, and with disheveled hair.

A look of confusion filled her face as she asked, "What's going on here?" It was evident that she was struggling to make sense of the situation.

I reminded her of the purpose of my visit and offered my assistance. She attempted to steady herself on an end table next to a beat-up loveseat, which seemed to have become her bed. The apartment was filled with clutter and garbage, leaving only a narrow pathway from her spot on the loveseat to the bathroom. Outside her apartment, a worn-out walker and a bent cane lay unused.

Throughout the encounter, Jane struggled to put words together and eventually fell. Fearing that she may have hit her head, I had to call 911. Within minutes, paramedics rushed up the stairs. In her disoriented state, Jane had no idea of her whereabouts or what was happening. She was taken to the hospital. Before leaving, I ensured that her apartment was secure and handed the keys to the paramedics so that she could access it upon her return from the hospital.

To my surprise, the next day, Jane reached out to me. Despite the previous day's events, she appeared cheerful and had no recollection of my presence at her apartment. Although she remembered our phone conversation, everything else seemed like a blur. I reminded her of the previous day's events, and she apologized and invited me over once again.

This initial interaction served as a poignant reminder of the challenges that Jane faced throughout her life. Struggling to cope with feelings of depression and anxiety, she has been drinking heavily since she was 11 years old.  Her struggle with alcoholism hindered her ability to engage with providers and access community resources. Despite this, she frequently reached out to me because of her profound loneliness. Our conversations about her drinking were always met with resistance. 

However, our team remained persistent.

At one point, Jane's television broke, and I hoped that it might motivate her to explore alternative living arrangements, even if she wasn't ready to address her alcoholism. Living on the third floor with limited mobility, she struggled to take out the trash and experienced bouts of dizziness. However, she was not yet willing to accept the connection between her alcohol consumption and her physical symptoms. One fall on the stairs resulted in the loss of one of her front teeth.

Finally, Jane said, "Enough is enough. Maybe it's time I go into assisted living." This statement gave us hope that progress was being made. However, she soon resumed drinking and decided that she cherished her apartment and did not want to leave.

Jane shared pictures of her son, with whom she had not spoken for three years due to her drinking. The pain of that loss was evident, and it only seemed to fuel the vicious cycle of her alcoholism. As someone in recovery myself, I understood the feeling that when everything feels lost, one might as well continue drinking. I shared my own experiences with Jane, emphasizing the possibility of reconciliation with her son if she sought treatment. Unfortunately, she felt profoundly hopeless.

A few weeks ago, Jane stayed with old friends she reconnected with on Facebook. During her time there, she fell and hit her head, resulting in a rush to the hospital. Doctors diagnosed her with several vitamin deficiencies and liver disease, emphasizing the need to stop drinking. The medical team attributed her dizziness primarily to alcohol consumption.

After her discharge, Jane returned home feeling worse, experiencing increased dizziness and swelling in her legs and feet. Concerned for her well-being, I visited her apartment, where she was in a deteriorating state. She expressed thoughts of being better off dead and feeling like she had nothing to live for. I urged her not to give up, and she agreed to allow a Health Guide (clinician) from our team to visit her.

With a sense of urgency, I contacted our office, and fortunately, Tera, our Health Guide, was available for an immediate visit. Tera patiently discussed Jane's health concerns, highlighting the challenge of identifying the root cause of her dizziness due to her alcohol consumption. Tera inquired about Jane's previous experiences with rehab, and she recalled periods of 90 days of continuous sobriety. Realizing the positive impact it had on her, Jane agreed to return to rehab. She promised that if a bed was available, she would let us take her the next day.

Tera promptly contacted the rehab facility, which could accommodate Jane immediately. However, they needed to speak with her directly. Despite our attempts to reach her by phone, Jane remained unreachable.

Undeterred, we arrived at her apartment the following morning, only to learn that Jane had changed her mind. She expressed feeling unable to cope with the demanding structure of the program, including early mornings and extensive therapy sessions. Understanding her concerns, I shared an alternative option - a 3-5 day detox program at Lutheran Hospital, which I had attended myself. Jane agreed to give it a try, and Tera made sure there was a bed available. Intake preparations were made.

With excitement and determination, Jane asked, "Are we going right now?" When we responded affirmatively, she gathered a few belongings, and we assisted her in navigating the stairs and getting into the car.

Accompanying Jane throughout the intake process at Lutheran Hospital was a humbling experience. I witnessed her courage as she took this significant step towards her recovery.

Five days later, I picked up Jane from detox. There was a palpable sense of hope and optimism about her. She eagerly looked forward to attending women's AA meetings and had enrolled in an Intensive Outpatient Program which meets three times a week.

Jane's journey has taught me that meeting individuals where they are in their recovery is so important - even when things get tough. We can’t force someone to be ready for the help that we believe they need. Instead, by meeting them where they are and working alongside them with patience and empathy, we can kindle hope and create an environment that fosters their long-term healing and recovery. While there may be challenges ahead, I'm committed to helping Jane through it all. Together, we can celebrate the progress she makes and keep moving forward toward a better future.