The path to self-sufficiency is paved with support: How accepting help made me stronger

My name is Derek. I'm here to share my story of how accepting help from others not only changed my life for the better, but made me stronger and more independent.

Growing up in a family with a long history of mental health issues, I always felt there was something not quite right with me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I observed others and noticed that I functioned differently. I was a very withdrawn and antisocial kid. I was lethargic and slept a lot, and was not as attentive at school as I was expected to be.

My mother, grandmother, and nearly everyone on my mother's side of the family suffered from various mental health challenges. My father struggled with bipolar disorder and alcoholism, ultimately succumbing to the disease.

As I became a young adult, my mother passed away, and I became more aware of the differences between myself and others. I tried various remedies on my own, including energy pills and mood-enhancing beverages, but ultimately gave up and decided to accept the way I was.

In my early thirties, I was hospitalized due to diabetic complications. My doctors informed me that mental health issues like depression were common in individuals with diabetes. They tried to address my condition with different medications, but I was never referred to a mental health professional. 

Feeling hopeless, I turned to alcohol to self-medicate, but this only pushed me further down a dangerous path. I kept drinking and drinking, huge amounts each night. Because alcohol kept my brain in a constant fog, I didn’t have to think about it anymore. If it kills me, it kills me, I thought- but at least I don’t have to worry about it. Thankfully, in 2021, my girlfriend's support encouraged me to quit drinking, but it left me once again facing the void that alcohol had temporarily filled.

A turning point arrived in my life at the end of 2022, when doctors told me I would need a second leg amputation, leaving me as a bilateral amputee. After the amputation I spent time in a nursing home. When I was finally able to go home, I was feeling numb and lost. I didn’t know what to do, and I was so overwhelmed that sometimes I didn’t care. I was able to make it through a couple of months of at-home therapy, physical and occupational, and I got a prosthetic leg. But even with the prosthetic, I realized that things would still never be the same. It was then that I got a call from Chastity, a firsthand Guide. 

I had never heard of firsthand before. Despite my initial doubts, I decided to take a leap of faith and explore how firsthand could help me. Chastity explained to me how firsthand could improve my situation. I told her the things I wanted and needed, but my hopes weren't too high. After all, what did I have to lose? 

To my surprise, everything started coming together. Chastity’s colleague Zach connected me with a local church, whose volunteers built me a wheelchair ramp, and one of his family members donated a much-needed washer and dryer to me. Chastity arranged referrals to specialists I needed to see. She also diligently made sure I got to my appointments.

Me and the Operation Backyard volunteers with my new ramp! Before the ramp was built, I was wheeling myself up backwards to get over the ledges on the sidewalk. Sometimes I lost my balance and fell out of my chair.

Chastity's support extended beyond my physical needs. She set up a referral for me to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. Starting a new prescription under their guidance felt like flipping a switch, and my whole world turned around. With the help of firsthand, I was able to make significant progress on my journey towards healing and independence.

Chastity and Zach have bent over backwards for everything I've needed since they’ve known me. From food to pest control, going to pay the utility bills, and so much more. It almost seems surreal to me that firsthand even exists in the first place. My girlfriend was very skeptical about it, and now she's just as surprised as I am about what firsthand can do for me.

Our relationship dynamic has changed for the better too. It has taken a big burden off of my girlfriend, who was taking days off just to take me back and forth to appointments. It was getting to the point where her boss was threatening to let her go due to missing work. When firsthand started taking over, she was able to go back to work full-time and work extra hours.

Raised in a modest and conservative home, I had always been molded to be independent, making accepting help from others challenging for me. However, after working closely with Chastity and Zach, I realized it's okay to receive help. It doesn't mean you can't climb the ladder on your own. It just means that you might need someone to help you reach the first step. Don’t be ashamed to need help in the first place. When you accept that help, it doesn't take away your dignity or self-respect. Instead, it makes you stronger and more independent in the long run.

—-

firsthand would like to extend a special thank you to our community partner Central Baptist Church of Fountain City, TN, and their program Operation Backyard. This remarkable initiative helps individuals with essential home repairs when they lack the finances to address them, including Derek's much-needed ramp!

The church has offered consistent support towards our mission at firsthand, providing hot meals and utility bill support for individuals in need.

We are so grateful for their partnership!