It Works If You Work It, So Keep Coming Back
Many folks in recovery have heard these words, "It Works If You Work It, So Keep Coming Back"! Cheesy, right? But let me tell you, my journey in recovery has been a whirlwind of eye-rolling moments at such maxims. Prior to working at firsthand, where I have the luxury of being able to share my experience, strength, and hope, my recovery was almost unipolar. Now, I feel sharing my journey and living my recovery in the workplace has made my experience more rich and vibrant.
Starting the journey of understanding and managing my firsthand experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) proved to be a challenging and often frustrating experience, especially given the added complexity of a dual diagnosis. The early diagnosis of OCD, while crucial, was often confronted by pervasive misconceptions perpetuated by popular culture. Contrary to the stereotypical portrayal of OCD as a mere tendency for neatness and hyper-organization, my struggle with the disorder delved into a labyrinthian struggle of ruminative thought processes and annoying compulsions.
Expressing the intricacies of my symptoms often proved challenging, and coping with the insecure feelings accompanying difficult compulsions and thought processes was even more daunting. At times, resorting to alcohol seemed like the only means to temporarily silence the internal fire alarm sounding in reverse. Despite my persistent efforts to seek validation and understanding, it wasn't until my provider thoroughly explored my concerns, communicated effectively, and implemented treatment plans that I found recognition in the doctor's office.
A strength of firsthand is to allow individuals to be heard and to share their experiences: the commitment of our providers to invest time in identifying accurate diagnoses, a luxury often overlooked in brief sessions with primary care or community providers. For me, being seen and listened to by a provider marked a pivotal moment in my journey, countering the tendency for others to dismiss my experiences since childhood as mere personality quirks.
The disconnect between the reality of OCD and its portrayal in popular culture became evident when people casually remarked, "you don't look the type," or just how often the disorder would be trivialized by the world at large with overused and uninformed phrases like, "I'm just SO OCD—I have to stay organized" while engaging in any variety of organizational activity. Internally, a lot of individuals living with OCD, experience a cacophony of actual physical alarms - blaring over seemingly simple actions, like locking a door or tapping door frames, touching a tree during a jog, driven by an irrational fear that defying these compulsions could lead to dire consequences.
Picture this: imagine your computer's pop-up blocker disabled, inundating you with incessant pop-ups while trying to read an article. The relentless onslaught of repetitive thoughts and phrases mirrors the overwhelming nature of OCD, making the suggestion to "go for a walk - clear your mind" or "just breathe" feel painfully inadequate.
Navigating daily life became an intricate dance, with even the simplest tasks morphing into overwhelming challenges. There are whole subtypes of OCD that are unseen by the general passerby. Examples include: harm OCD (perpetual fear that not checking or performing an act will bring harm to yourself or another), contamination OCD, hoarding, counting, intrusive and unwelcome thoughts… the list can go on. However, receiving a formal diagnosis and enlisting the guidance of a qualified professional for symptom management marked a turning point, gradually improving the quality of my life. Yet, the journey was further complicated by concurrently addressing recovery from alcohol abuse, adding an additional layer of complexity to my path towards healing.
Integrating my recovery into the workplace has been the latest chapter in my OCD life. As a Community Resources Guide (Resource Specialist) at firsthand, finding the balance between sharing my lived experiences and while maintaining the boundary of keeping my struggles at a distance with both my colleagues and the individuals we serve has been a journey in itself. Deciding when is a good time to share my experiences can be difficult to navigate and often gets made more complicated by ruminative thought processes. Sure, our workplace can be a bit chaotic at times, but I've witnessed the behind-the-scenes dedication, hard work, and the positive impact our company has on individuals. Cheesy as it may sound, it works if we work it, and I'm grateful we keep coming back. As a new company, I often hear the phrase, “we are building the plane as we fly it” here. It takes all of us - to fly this thing, and the flight gets smoother as we learn to trust in our experiences and to keep coming back.
As I evolve in my role at firsthand, my recovery becomes more active. Previously, I lived more on the "anonymous" side of AA, but building relationships with colleagues and those we serve has allowed me to see my own resilience grow. In this unique experience, co-workers with their own lived experiences can sense when I'm having a tough time and offer words of kindness or drop off a book to inspire growth. I've noticed my confidence in serving others increase. As an added perk, having the ability to work on aligning myself with the spirit of the 12th step (carrying the message of recovery to others), selfishly helps me to live a more full and authentic life.
Every day brings new challenges as we tackle hurdles together, functioning not just as an office but as a community and a growing company. Our dynamic model demands that we bring our whole selves to the table as we serve marginalized populations. But here's the kicker – every day, we find ourselves coming back and making it work. The numbers don't lie; each community is delivering real value to the individuals we serve, and our company is growing in leaps and bounds. I've witnessed countless stories of growth, encouragement, and the momentum building around us. People recognize our name, and that's not by chance. So, echoing the mantra that's been on repeat in my mind: it works if you work it, so keep coming back!
Let's continue embracing this journey together.
