Autism Awareness and Acceptance: An Unexpected Journey
April is Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month, and as someone diagnosed with autism at the age of 29 (I'm now 33), I understand the journey, the stigma, and the lessons that come with being on the spectrum. I grew up around friends and significant others who were autistic, and I found myself drawn to them. But it wasn't until my son was diagnosed with autism that I truly saw myself reflected in him. This revelation started my personal journey of healing, learning, and acceptance.
Unmasking Myself
Despite seeing signs of autism in my son and his father, the idea that I could be autistic myself never occurred to me. My initial ignorance regarding my own condition was likely due to preconceived notions of how autism should 'look.' My lack of self-recognition is a testament to the power of stereotypes and stigmas associated with autism. It wasn't until my son was three and struggling with emotional regulation that I saw the parallels between us. His difficult behavior mirrored my own struggles. It dawned on me: "My son is just like me!"
This realization motivated me to confront my own situation. I wanted to learn how to manage my challenges, not just for my own well-being, but to guide my son towards a better, easier life with less struggles than I had growing up without that early intervention. I got my official diagnosis after many tests and therapy sessions-Autism Level 2, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, and Anxiety Disorder.
Over the years, I had been misdiagnosed multiple times with mental health issues including Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Depression. While I could relate to each of these disorders to various extents, none of them fully encapsulated my lived experience. With an accurate diagnosis, I was able to better understand my true condition, affirm my experiences, and navigate my life with greater clarity moving forward.
Understanding the Connection with Substance Abuse
The journey of self-discovery also helped me understand the struggles of my family members. My mother exhibited signs of severe mental illness. She was very abusive and emotionally and financially unstable. Unfortunately, she never received proper treatment and was left undiagnosed. Growing up, my brother was kicked out of school and eventually landed in the foster care system. As he got older, he was stuck in the agonizing loop of substance abuse tied to ADHD, autism, and bipolar disorder, which were not diagnosed until adulthood.
Across the board, individuals with mental health disorders often resort to methods of self-medication when they lack proper support and resources. This desperate need to escape discomfort or achieve temporary relief points to a clear connection between substance usage and disorders such as autism (1). I myself used marijuana and alcohol for many years, without realizing there could be an underlying reason.
Unmasking Autism
After my and my son’s diagnosis, it became a passionate pursuit for me to better understand autism and mental health as a whole. My search included both personal introspection and extensive therapy sessions. The journey was overwhelming at times, but helped me face "masking" ‒ a behavior common among individuals with mental health disorders. We hide our struggles to fit into societal norms, eventually convincing ourselves and others that we're okay when we may not be (2). We push through things. We try to survive. It takes so much effort to be what is considered “high functioning.”
firsthand Experiences
Now, as a firsthand Guide (peer support specialist) at firsthand, I use my lived experience and insights to help and inspire others who are currently navigating their own mental health struggles. I continue to experience growth, both professionally and on an individual level, as I learn more about myself each day. I've also learned the importance of vulnerability and authenticity – to strive to be secure in expressing feelings or speaking my truth.
Through the process, I've learned to appreciate the importance of being your authentic self, and what that truly means, in spite of mental or neurological differences. We can all learn from each other's experiences and empathize with their struggles and triumphs.
It's essential to approach any person from a place of openness and humility. Remember, your perception may not capture the whole picture - the similarities between Bipolar Disorder and Autism illustrate this well (3).
By sharing my personal journey living with autism, I hope to continue raising awareness, enhancing understanding, and humanizing the narratives around autism and other forms of neurodiversity. By doing so, I believe we can collectively break down existing stigmas and misconceptions, fostering a more empathetic world for everyone that struggles with mental illness and disorders.
